We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
