you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize