I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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