Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
