Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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