you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Found the puke drawer
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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