What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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