You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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