She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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