Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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