we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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