She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize