every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
