oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
