I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
