Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
