Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize