what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
