nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
