it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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