I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I have feelings that need drinking.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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