I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
