put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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