Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
