You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
