"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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