I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just google imaged poop.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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