Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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