After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
