You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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