Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
