we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
