i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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