i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think i have two assholes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
