I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
