I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
