Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
