i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
