Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
