RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Help. Why am I so naked?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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