and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
