I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
