Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
