I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
