I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
