I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
