i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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