if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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