He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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