Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize