I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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