i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
