he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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