My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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