just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
