i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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