I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Found your dick twin last night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
