Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
