That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
