Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
