I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
