absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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