I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
