Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
