Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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