I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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