i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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