Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
