I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I understand Curling. That high.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
