dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Randomize
