I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
