and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize