perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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