No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
