Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
