Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize