worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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