im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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