her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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