The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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