I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
