The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize