Where is the hickey?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
