everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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