threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
