Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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