im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So many bounce houses so little time
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
