and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My ATM looks so different sober.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
