i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
