that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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