um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
