I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
