I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
