the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
