is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
