Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize