i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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