guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
