I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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