I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
