Tell her she can't have a vagina
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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