I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's official drugs can't kill me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
