Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
