I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
