we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
