so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
